John Ross, a Nuts4Nuts vendor in New York City found himself provoked by a tourist in Times Square. According to witnesses, the tourist apparently asked, “What kind of nuts do you have?” Since Ross felt this was obvious based on the clear glass panel revealing roasted peanuts and almonds, he swiftly placed his private parts on top of a pile of roasted peanuts shouting, “These are the kind of nuts I have!”
Witnesses were horrified and included a 91 year old grandmother with a one year old baby in a stroller, 2 nuns and an eighth grade class on their grammar school band trip. When asked about the incident, the grandmother, Ann Smith replied, “Really, that happened? I must have missed it because I ordered some roasted almonds and ate them. Oh, no!”
An eighth grader, Matt Preent reported “It was hi-larious! People are gonna be taking about it forever! It’s gonna be my new catchphrase!” Another student Sarah Fischer said that students started to reenact the whole scene on the school bus when a teacher shut it down with the threat of detention once back at school. One of the nuns got it on video on her iphone.
Ross has been suspended until further investigation is over. However, with the iphone video the evidence of the incident is well documented. Police warn eaters of street vendor food to be hyper vigilante as copy cats may occur in the following weeks.
by Meg Scanlon